Mariners in a Parallel Dimension

Well... back in the States now. I also appear to have landed in bizzaroworld. Beltre's hot, Boone is crying like a small child, and Mr. Doyle is up from Tacoma. Alas, this strange parallel dimension isn't quite enough to make the Mariners good, as they've lost uh... most of their last many games (research. Who needs it, eh?).